If the Elvis Death Conspiracy is correct, then Elvis faked his death and most likely is still alive. He would be 76 years old. Now a lot of things have happened since this so-called cover-up death in August of 1977. His daughter Lisa Marie married Michael Jackson in 1994 and that did not get Elvis to come out of ‘hiding’. There have been numerous biographies, television documentaries, interviews, and movies that have been completely unflattering to the memory of Elvis, stating that he was addicted to prescription drugs in the final years of his life. None of these possibly slanderous, reputation destroying accounts have enticed Elvis to come out of hiding to defend his honor. Even seeing the many talentless Elvis Impersonators have failed to get him back into the public spotlight.

Well now that Elvis is in the twilight of his life, it is time for him to come out of hiding and reclaim his spot on the American Music scene. I have outlined a list of songs that Elvis could be singing today, at the age of 76. Here are my top ten picks-

#1 – Forgetful Minds ( a spin from his #1 1969 hit Suspicious Minds)

#2 – Nursing Home Rock – (a spin from his #1 1957 hit Jailhouse Rock, the new version will have an accompanying video and include the memorable line “if you can’t find a partner use your wheelchair”)

#3 – Viva Viagra – (this is a spin from his 1964 hit Viva Las Vegas; apparently this tune is already being used in a nationally televised television commercial, showing us that the American Public is primed and ready for Elvis’ return)

#4 – Treat Me Nice (And Change My Bed Pan) – (a spin on his 1957 hit Treat Me Nice)

#5 – Don’t Cry Grandpa – (a spin on his 1969 hit Don’t Cry Daddy)

#6 – Memories (What Are They?) – (the new version of his 1969 song Memories)

#7 – Suspicious Age Spots – (another version of his #1 1969 hit Suspicious Minds)

#8 – Blue Cloth Slippers – (a spin on his 1956 hit Blue Suede Shoes)

#9 – If I Can Drool – (a spin of his 1968 comeback hit If I Can Dream)

#10 – A Little Less Conversation – And A Lot More Sleep – (a spin on the 2002 remix hit A Little Less Conversation)

So Elvis, if you are alive, now is the time to come out of hiding. I beseech you for the love of all that is sacred, for the sake of your reputation, your fans, and while there is still time to enjoy a bit more time in the limelight, come back. I have a dozen donuts and a peanut butter and banana sandwich waiting for you. You will not even have to hire a band; I’ve got you covered with all your favorite songs on karaoke. I’ll be here waiting. Call me at 1-800-KARAOKE and let’s jump-start your career into high gear.